When He is Gone...

She woke up in the middle of the day, tired from thoughts, which didn't let her to get asleep all night long.
It was April 23d 2006 and in a few days it was Ian's birthday, so Viki took all 25 roses, she got from Backstage Cafe for Ian, because she knew he loves those flowers, and always was growing them up on his patio.
... Around 6 p.m. all shaking, she rung the door bell. Nobody answered, and then she knocked.
- Come in - It was Ian's voice.
Slowly Viki opened the door and walked inside. The place didn't change much since her last visit, and it seems like everything was on the same places, the only thing... that the old, bold man was sitting on the chair, and not someone she knew before. She didn't show the shock she had, but realized that the situation is more serious then she thought.
-Viki?
Ian's eyes went big, it seems that it was the last thing he could expect - it's to see her. Viki took her shoes off, and like always before, started the conversation. She gave him beautiful roses, and gave him a kiss in the lips. It was a very hard to pretend like nothing had be changed, but she wanted to take him back in time...  and even for a minute make him to forget about now.
- Roses?.. - Ian said quietly.
She put some water in the big glass, and stand the flowers close to where Ian was sitting.
After that Viki took a chair, and sit down close to him.

They have been talking about this, and that, and Ian told her all the story,what has happened to him a few months after she saw him last time. It was a scary tragic story, and Viki was very upset why he never contacted her. She understood, that he was fighting for his life, but still, couldn't give sorry to herself for not being there for him. It was understandable that he didn't want her to see him sick, and wanted to remember him the way he always was, cool and funny.
Viki didn't know in how bad condition Ian was at the moment, and asked him if is gonna have the surgery for the huge bump on the back of his head. He didn't give a clear answer to that. He said that he had the surgery on his stomach earlier, showing a big scar,what wasn't the nicest thing to see. She had hopes, that all this just a temporary thing, and it will be a cure, because he is strong enough, and he will get better, but after listening all the details of his fights with a cancer, she started to be scared. He supported him any possible way and recommended some things.... it just was too late...

Ian was very weak, and even he was very sharp, she could see that he couldn't continue the conversation in some point. He wanted to be alone until his daughter is back.
His eyes, she always loved, were full of sadness, and it seemed like he barely was holding his tears.
To make this moment as a support Vikki said:
- You're tough Ian...
 He said:
-  I know...

Viki was holding his hand in hers, there were a minutes of silence. She wanted to change his socks, because they had a hole, but she afraid to make him feel uncomfortable, and really who would care about these things at the moment. She was thinking if he has at least 6 months, there is a chance to do something about it, and maybe to save his life. She had the optimism, because he still was alive.
Ian was trying to stay awake, but it seems like his energy was going away.
- My daughter is on the way home, I am tired ... I want to sleep...
He didn't want to let her hand going, and was holding it... she kissed him in his lips, and promised to be back here in a week or so. She needs to hit back to Vegas tonight, and will call him tomorrow.

...He looked into her eyes trying to let her know that this is Good- bye.., but she didn't want to accept it.
... His soul, and his heart were crying ... Her soul and her heart were ripped apart.
The last hug, the last kiss, the last time of holding hands, the last look into the eyes you love..
April 23d of 2006.
Exactly, one month later, May 23d  in the apartment  # 11...11.23p.m. ... Ian Copeland died.

... She was sitting in a car... she had to drive to Vegas, but she couldn't. She knew that  it is 8p.m. and she needs to come back home, and take her child to school in the morning, but couldn't move.
The tears were falling, and after all mental pressure, she wasn't in the condition to drive.
It took for about 10 minutes... she pushed so hard on the gas pedal, that the noise from tires flew with the echo through the quiet night of Beverly Hills.

Who am I ?/ Message in the Bottle.

There is a lot of discussions, and scientistic investigations about the earth, the atmosphere - cosmos and a human being. I am sure everyone at least once in their life asked the question Who am I? How this world was created, and what is behind all this space what seems to be endless. Some people believe in God the Creator, but some people give another version of the thought.
The people who believed in good power sometimes got very disappointed, why the good is so weak and just bad things start to get over their life and humanity in general? You can say think positive, yes we can, but where is God's power when people need help? There is something more...So I am going to talk about  things which may have a place.
The people have a physical body and the energy,which the name is Soul. We are all the energy, negative or positive in the body. Our body and the brain is a machine, with a pre calculation. We are robots... just in the soft cover. Who was made us? The aliens... more developed creatures, and brought us to the earth as an experiment. Are they the Gods, the creators?
Very often it seems like people are just a marionettes, the toys in the game, in someone hands. Like a simple example: we can face unexpected situations, and you can escape or you can be blocked doesn't matter how hard you try. If it is good power why you are blocked from creativity, and need to concentrate on things what are on the way to do something good? Devil? Who is he? Just a dead criminal? Politician? Joker?
Let's go deeper... There are a lot of stars in the atmosphere, they are shining... but the cosmos itself is dark... Can you imagine yourself just to be a micro element in someone's giant body? You live your life your bacteria life... good bacteria, and the bad bacteria, but you have some control and sometimes the brain, and the help from who ever creators are, because they are in the same giant body. Think about this.
So after loosing physical body these energy traveling millions of human years and get tired, but do not give up ... another questions is - what could be outside of that giant body? You jumping into this idea thinking outside of box and then... There is just blank... the white piece of paper... and no way back. White color is not a God's color... though it is useful. White color is nothing without other colors and Creator can't limit itself in that, but death can. Because the death is worthless.
The heart what is the Sun, is still alive and shining, and we should to appreciate every single moment, doesn't matter who we are.
There are different entities what we can't see, and just only catch them on the pictures, they are not humans and mostly just parasites who is whispering to our ears.
There are a spiritual guides as well, they call them angels sometimes, but they also just spirits of good ex people who can navigate, or bad spirits who will bring you to trouble. It may happened, that for a while you do not have a spiritual guide, then it suck! Call for a good one, tell it your dream.

It is a time for some kind of conclusion, but there is no conclusions. Just be a good human being and everything will be just fine on the earth.

You can steal my ideas sir, but I will always get a new one.

I will charge you soon for bringing my ideas into life, or using them as your own.
There is no copyrights to protect the idea, and I even do not ask "why?"
The good idea is a gold, so I will keep it in my hands, or I will share ... it is up to me
I' am proud my ideas were used for good, and that's the point.

Y. S.